cuihui
keep this short (:
or
Click here.

take me to the sky
up & away
BOLD italics underline

23:16 to TEH KENG SIANG!

please read properly before you say anything!

I DID NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT SKIPPING CLASS TO WORK!

I AM WORKING FOR SITEX!

NOT SHOPPING AT SITEX!!

I am working for starhub...

so I am not in charge for selling anything!

if those customers wanna buy, then it's their business!!

please lar..

if u think that a simple handshake can solve everything..

u can jolly well forget it lor..!

a handshake doesn't mean can let him go or wat...

I am not like you...that I can let everything go, just by a handshake!!

handshake..

good gracious!!

23:08 gonna work for PC show tmr!!

I will be alone this time round.

cos my girl, Yuting will not be joining me for PC show!

I will miss her badly.

I can't really handle strange new people with my present mentality.

I SUCK!!SIMPLY!

I feel so insecure right now.

feel that whatever I do, I will not get it right!!

argh...this feelings just suck!!

my life...

my mentality..

my emotions...

my well-being..

they suck!!

I am super nervous about PC show tmr!!

got a feeling that I will screw up...ALOT ALOT..

damn...

I miss him...suddenly..

again...

feel so restless for the whole day!!

haiz..since like 5-5.30?!

argh..

just farking kill me..

murder me..

whatever!!

on a bottom low right now!!

cheer me up to the maximum level!!

anyway...just make me smile, laugh wholeheartedly, giggle...

anything!!

pretty please!

man...I sound d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e!!! argh...

01:52 chatted with KK last night when I took it down.

was tearing while thinking back what happened.

1 month.

he's been dominating my thoughts, mood, everything.

crap.

it feels like I can't really complain in here!

as much as I want him to read it.

but from what he told me last night.

I'm afraid that I gave the wrong signal by putting the name there.

I FEEL SO CRAP NOW.

feel a wave of sadness when Valerie was asking how I was doing.

sometimes I feel being left out from my lovely clique,

mainly of my age.

but sometimes I just adore them.

haha...

I think I am nuts in the head.

haha...

I think I simply think too much

ok whatever..

sometimes I think,

why can he get out of the misery while I can't?

isit, he pulled himself away quickly, like how he came in my life, quickly?

haha..

guess I shall work hard..

double hard to not let him dominate my thoughts or mood.

I will continue as I have planned for his birthday.

mainly, it's his birthday!!

that's all...

haha...no hidden agenda!

I am really a simple person!

I don't really ask for much!

happiness is what I cared for!

it's just a normal present.

like I said...

I THINK

I am ready to face him.

with a smile on my face! =))

but....is he ready to see me?



00:16 无知者无罪
that's I can say in my own defense.

I have no idea that I have cause you trouble!

I didn't know that google-ing people's name is still an in-thing.

I always thought it was a thing of the past.

where people are still kids.

it's like they wanna know what kind of wrong-doings they have done.

without anyone noticing.

I am truly sorry for it.

it just breaks my heart to see the message that you send.

although I, technically should be happy about it.

sorry for upsetting you.
sorry for being so thoughtless.
sorry for everything.

I guess.

I AM SORRY.

and, thank you for letting me know.

I've taken down all of your name from my blog.
and google myself.
for security purposes.
don't want you to detest me more than you are now.
it's now clean.
clean of your name.
you can stop worrying abt people knowing more about you.

but what is so wrong about people knowing about you?
why are you blocking yourself out?
even if they are "normal" friends,
what's wrong about them knowing you?

is there even a need to categorize?
guess my simple thinking of friends are really naive.
all kinds of friends are always friends.
but they are always worthy to be remembered.

people who really know you,
are they "superior" friends?
I guess I'm categorize under
normal friends.
comforting?
or, maybe I'm not even categorize at all.
haha.

well, that's just my thoughts.

01:27 what's the use of me thinking of you,
where you can continue enjoy life the way it was.
why am I getting all bothered,
when you are oblivious or neither give a damn about it.
why is that my heart is sinking,
when you can continue your life.

have I hit rock bottom or sink to the bottomless pit,
that I could no longer pull myself away.
the more I pull, the deeper I sink in.
is this my retribution of treating you badly,
when I shouldn't have.

I do want to pull myself together and be who I used to be.
but is my resolve that brittle,
that I cannot manage it at all, all the time.

tried all sorts of ways to forget you.
tire myself till late every night,
busy with countless of nonsensical things,
taking naps that turned into 14 hours of sleep.
all in the hopes of stop thinking about you.

people been telling me to get over you.
I can't say that I did nor did not,
but at least I know I tried my best.
still, the result is yet to be seen.

why can I just lighten up and let you go.
or is it just so, that you have been rooted deeply in me.

how I wish that a simple message from you,
is all I need.
a simple chat of hello or good bye,
will bring smiles to me.
or if I'm feeling greedy enough,
a never-ending of messages.

a simple call of awakening,
a simple messages of I miss you,
a simple messages of what are you doing darling,
a simple hugs of hello and good bye,
a simple hugs of wordless gestures,
a simple chat on your sofa.
just being with you is as simple as 1-2-3.

what's the use of being in tears when,
the person I want to know does not care.
all he can say is sorry.

a chance is what I have let it slipped through my finger,
that was deny from me.
but somehow,
I have no one else to blame but thyself.
a retribution I would say.

I know that for certain that our path might not cross again,
and that you or I might have someone else in mind.
but what I can say now is that the heart that is aching,
is solely just for you.

I am beginning to think that I have sink in too deep,
in this 1 sided affair.
which left me clueless,
since you told me those faithful words.
"I have no more feelings for you."

why is that you have lift up the hopes in me,
in order to crash it with a thunderous thud.
so much for not giving up easily.

countless questions of why and how always fills up my mind.
but neither would bring any answers.
I am such a weakling,
though others think otherwise.

what can I do to be free from all these.
more medicore, lack-luster replies?
I think, more likely to suffer than be free.

I think I need help.
from a professional, perhaps?

how I wish he would read it,
and understand that I miss him so,
and still liking him.
like how I was,
in the beginning.
where your presence just brings me joy.

are you reading it,
xxx?

21:44 haha...

guess what?

I went B-On-Kers today..

that I totally shocked Alvin with my actions!!

he actually asked me whether I am CUIHUI or not!!

haha..

I actually did....

the chicken little dance...

in random!

in the store!

not once..

but quite a few times...

that he actually wanted to call for BGMC(Buangkok Green Medical Center)

formally affectionately known as Hougang Chalets!

haha...

cool right?

guess I am seriously going crazy..



haha...going nuts...had the craziest idea on what to do for his upcoming b'dae...

although I THINK I am ready to face him...

but I am not sure whether he is willing to see me or not.

guess I am being silly.

wanting to see him & all!



I want to be like..
where someone can hear me repeat my story till like there's no end!

I want to be like..
where he and I still got a thing going on...

I want to be like..
where everything is all used to be, together him with me, looking forward...

04:02 all of the sudden, feel like saying this out loud!!!

我喜欢你!!

我还是很喜欢你!!

why do you have to make me like you so much???

why do I like you so much???

xxx

我喜欢你!!!

istilllikeyou!
regrettednottellingyouhowifeel!
ialwaysthoughtthatyouknew...
itslikehowithinkiknowhowyoufeelaboutme

=((

shyte...when can will I move on??

so that I will not such a troublesome kid to anyone/people around me?

more likely is HOW can I move on?

no matter what I do, I just can't get him/you out of my mind!

did shed a few tears just now.

missed his presence TERRIBLY!

goddamnit! freaking useless...argh..

just bloody kill me already!

16:11

last episode of 微笑 pasta. it can bring tears to your eyes & laughter at the same time.

the show that I've been watching diligently! LOL...



best scene!

I wish to be like her!

have the courage to confess to the 1 I like!

& can be accepted in return!

11:56









22:08











21:57

13:21 in the library's RC now.

George Tan's lesson was cancelled again!

so now like got 2hrs of super free time!!!

sianz..

my flu got worse when I woke up this morning..

I slept for 14hours...

& I feel that my bones are kinda sore!

but still wanna continue sleeping all the way!!

who knows I might sleep till the next day!

haha...



feel so lonely all of the sudden!

feel that I have no friends liddat!

feel that I'm all alone!

alicia: YOU HAVE FRIENDS OKAY!!! even though u suck, but u still got US! =D

haha...alicia just took over!!

sad! I suck!!

haha...

but just feel that I'm lonely!!

like I have no friends liddat...

I just feel so outcasted!!

damn I don wanna be so alone..

don wanna be so outcasted!!

damn...haha I must be feeling emo!!

sianz...

17:57 I am so sick..

"so sick of love songs
so tired of tears..."

haha...I'm seriously sick..

been sneezing non-stop since I got up for work!

the watery muckus is irritating me lots.

just feel like doing a Michael Jackson...!

so restless today!



just realize that it's the 18th today!!

haha...a month he told me those words!!

think I should message him? for fun?

haha..see how the rest of the day goes..

damn...the stupid watery muckus!!

argh...

gotta sleep...

-.-

01:58









04:00 him him him..

Yuan Yuan says I must voice out my thoughts to him.

so here it goes..

I MISS YOU.

THERE'S A THOUSAND TIMES THAT I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I MISS YOU..ALOT

I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP HOPE.

'COS HOPE IS ALWAYS LIVING IN EACH & ONE OF US.

I WANT TO MESSAGE YOU LIKE WE USED TO.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

THERE'S A THOUSAND TIMES THAT I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.

FOR THE HURT THAT I'VE CAUSED YOU.

NO AMOUNT OF TEARS CAN STOP FLOWING WHENEVER I AM THINKING OF YOU.

OF US.

OF EVERYTHING.

I WANT TO SAY SO MUCH MORE.

BUT THE FEELINGS, THE HURT, THE HOPE AND OTHERS THAT RESIDE IN ME...

ARE CONSTANTLY BEING VOICE OUT IN HERE.

TILL I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

I HOPE THAT YOU WILL READ IT.

& KNOW HOW I AM FEELING SINCE YOU WENT AWAY.



there! I've said it...again...again...again & again.

till I have nothing more to write.

I am afraid of...everything.

that he will continue to give that 'i-can't-be-bothered' replies

that he will slowly disappear to nothingness.



on a window shopping spree today.

looking at the prices for Er Nai's birthday present..

shh...I am not gonna tell what I've bought for her.

will let you guys know when the time is right.

so for these few days till Saturday.

I will be working my ass off for her birthday.

I hope that she will like the present that we got for her.

psst...truth to be told. I manage to look for 9, including myself, to share the present.

not an easy feat I tell you!!

wahahahaha....

pictures of her present will b posted soon...

:)

03:23 argh...

I wanna go on a shopping spree!

I just feel like wearing dresses to school.

I think I am mad.

I used to hate shopping.

but I still don't like shopping!

but I'm on a spree..

get what I mean?

Heroes was on channel 5 just now.

my heart, it was aching like mad when it was showing.

I so wanna to hug him badly.



I need morning calls badly!!!

preferably calls around 6am.

like what he always does.

think I relay on him wayy too much.

who's gonna care & concern to me like he does?

wake me up all the time.



I feel I am a lost person.

I in the sea of people,

either looking for him or someone who has his shadows.

I have no idea why is it so hard for me to let go.

why can't I just be like him?







02:48

03:42 somehow

my mind just like to drift to memories of him.

memories.

I know that it's all memories.

reminiscing just can't stop!

I just simply miss him.

his messages.
his 'surprise' on wknds.

argh I think I'm driving myself up the wall.

he asked me not to pin any hope on him.

but isn't hope wat kept most people going?

wish.
want.
hope.

it's all hope, isn't it?

how can I get through it when he just pop up in my brain!

missing him right now!

04:44







03:25


01:43






















03:06




02:42

02:10