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Sunday, October 21, 2007 : heartbreak part4
this is my 120th post! & it's still about him! Saturday! it's been a week since his feelings start to disappear. (he told me about it when we had our long chat.) --------------------------------- it's the time that we quarrel abt him not letting me noe whether he's coming to pick or not.. in a fit of anger, i told him that threw the cake away that I had bought for him. when in actual fact, it was sitting peacefully in my fridge. (manage to pass it to him when he asked me to go over to his place on Sunday, but I doubt that he knows it was that cake that I 'threw' it away. it was his fav 'cocoa exotic' & cheesecake frm Four Leaves.) I didn't noe that it will lead to the scenerio that we had now. --------------------------------- after a week, getting back to work is hard. especially, what he told me is afterall, still fresh in my mind. totally have no mood to work. don feel like talking to anybody. 'cos it will remind me of our final quarrel, finale of us being so close together. where things will never be the same again. where his feelings suddenly changed. --------------------------------- I was sad, worried & disappointed when he didn't showed up. why didn't he gave me a message in the 1st place? my heart was shattering into pieces when I didn't see him... worried about what had happened to him. I knew he would be late, & waited an extra 30mins after my work hours to wait. but to no avail. I donno whether he knows how I was feeling at the time. but I was kinda devastated, when I heard his sleepy voice over the phone. that resulted in the "fit of an anger, I threw away the cake" kind of scenerio. to think I was delighted over the cake I was getting for him, knowing it was his favorite. --------------------------------- back to today's feelings. seriously, I was moody while on the way to work. trying to drag my feet across the living room to the door. I was late for work, by the way. by 30mins. the whole load of things were going through my mind. why didn't he message me abt not coming? would he come by to chat with me again? will he message me again, even I told him that I will not do it? (I told him that 'cos I don't wanna be reminded of him & gave myself hope that he, 1 day will come back to me.) my heart aches when I thought of the questions/what happened. I WANT IT ALL BACK. BUT I NOE IT WILL NOT HAPPENED AGAIN. I know I am so contradicting myself. forgive me k? --------------------------------- I just don get it that how can he just let it all go, with a blink of an eye? those words you said? you should've have said it. is ur resolve that easy to break? or you just want to prevent yourself from being hurt, that's why ur feelings went away? did you know by doing this, you brought the hurt in me? I noe you have thought abt it for quite some time, can't blame you. but how can ur resolve,ur determination break so fast? it's not abt being brave or what. is how much you want it to happen, isn't it? --------------------------------- I MISS YOU. it hurts more when I reached my workplace. thankfully, my colleague, Alvin, was able to help me forget about what had happened temporarily. hehe he knows him as 先奸后杀. --------------------------------- 'cos whenever he message me, I would always be smiling happily. Alvin was teasing me how the person I'm messaging. whether I'm gonna 先奸后杀 or 先杀后奸. that's how Alvin knows him as. it was kinda funny, cos everytime I message him, Alvin wld tease me abt him. such memories. --------------------------------- I REALLY MISS YOU! --------------------------------- that 40 year old old uncle message me again!
he sent me a message: "see that your on to a new bf...current one not rich enough?" which part of my fucking sentence you don't get it? I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND. saw him while I was having dinner with Eeling & Yuan Yuan. he had the cheek to tell my boss that I was angry with him of some misunderstanding!! fucker...misunderstanding my ARSE! just let go of ur bloody over-zealous imaginative mind of me having a bf! fucker...just go get yourself a gf & lay off me! arsehole!!! JUST BLOODY FUCK OFF & GET YOURSELF A LIFE! ASSHOLE!!!
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