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Monday, June 18, 2007 : clubs & feelings
my wknds...
burn from working, working & more working! have not touch a single "page" from CMS! (it's for DMD theory test lar) hmm...went clubbing with Yuting, her bro & his friend(his nickname is Tweety Bird! haha...but...he don't have a big head like Tweety!!-_-) on Wednesday. before that, was tutoring Chole. yep, im back to tutoring! Chole's mum apparently called me back to teach her kid for English. But she was kinda hoping that I would teach Math as well. I never pass my Os, how can i teach! it's been a question that stuck with me whenever I make my way for tutoring. I got the job when I was still in ITE. it was 50bucks for 4 lessons(a month). Now, it's 60bucks. Seriously, I have no idea how much I should asked! I mean, talking about money issue is always a problem to me. 'cos I feel embarrass to ask for money. *but I don't when I ask my parents for money! hehe..it's my well-deserved allowance! haha* well, guess it will be 60bucks den. every monday when school starts, but it's wednesday for now(holidays). ok back to clubbing. hmm..it was unprepared for, cos I didn't have the intention to go in the 1st place when Yuting asked me egons ago. just that all of the sudden, don't feel like staying at home! not sure why, just don't have the mood! *don't worry I am better now. well had fun, pity Yuting went on the "high" spree! LOL..she played guessing with some guy & lost! oh ya, saw alot of prisoners around! (prisoners = army freshies. they look alot like prisoners don't you think?) guess they POP already. anywae she was on the high & start to dance like...hmm...a drunkard? LOLx...the 4 of us (me, her, her bro & Tweety) were trying to wake her up. okay only me & her bro did that. but it seems that the more we tried the more she get high! haha..after awhile she went off with her friend to drink somemore. at least, when she comes back, she's all sober! LOLx.. reached home about 5...phew nearly busted by my dad!! he normally wakes up at 5 or 5.30 for work! den after that, wake up for work for me. LOLx..barely made it on time for work! but I'm still ok! haha...*where does all these energy come from? -------------------------------------------- I've decided to give up. Don't worry guys, I am alright! I can't possibly linger around the past memories, waiting for them to haunt me right? so, I decided to let it out, let it all go. well I'm glad that I can still chat with him normally. not crying my eyes out or feel the pain in my heart. haha.. so I take it that my wounds are healing! Hooray...! -------------------------------------------- now, STUDY!!! =) p.s: 3more months till my b'dae! =)) Tuesday, June 12, 2007 : the 11th..
just reach home from kbox-ing with Ah Pa, Eric & Binan (my lovely er nai).
think I'm gonna have a full blast fever soon!! 'cos all the symptom are flashing their red light at me! Prone to coldness easily (never like being in the cold room anyway! must be the fever.), the nose got blocked...around the throat area (serious sinus). & guess what? I AM GOING TO WORK AT EELING'S COFFEE KIOSK TOMORROW!! SHIT...I HAVE TO LEARN ALL OF PRODECURES AGAIN!! fever go away!! for now..come back later ok? =) -------------------------------------------- the 11th day of the month just passed. it used to a joyous day. now, it's just a dead boring day-to-day event. nothing special. can't help but to feel a gushed of sadness overwhelmed me. hate this feeling. I don't like the feeling. I just want the sadness to fade away...FAST. come to think of it, I have no friends at all. no friends to rely on. well except for 1 or 2? I'm not a person of words. I just simply can't bring myself to says what's inside me, eating me away. I don't want to be a burden to anyone around me. 'cos I feel that the problems we are having, could/might become some1's else problem. I would rather keep it inside & hope that the problem will be solved, slowly, day by day. truth to be told, I don't like to bother people. I know they would comfort me & all, but... maybe I'm just impatient. I just want whatever problems I have disappear QUICKLY. guess iI'll just my time. & see how it goes. =) -------------------------------------------- well gotta grab some rest! got work tomorrow! Sunday, June 10, 2007 : PMS-ing
codes! I long to do codes in blog! LOL...it might b fun? who knows? *EDITED think I am pms-ing!! feeling very lost & heartbroken all of the sudden. I am not supposed to cry or even think about what had happened. But it seems that I can't! I don't want to think about it..! 'cos if I do, my heart will hurt all of the sudden & I will starting tearing/crying. I DO NOT WANT THAT! I do not want to cry over it! -------------------------------------------- He may say sorry. but I have no idea does he know what he is sorry about! ya I've been through the issue that, it could be that WE have taken each othe for granted! *being selfish I feel that I am not appreciated for the things that I've done! maybe...maybe I have nothing that is worthy to speak of. well I DO know what he has done for me & i really care! why doesn't he know how I am feeling inside, especially with his brother's death? -------------------------------------------- *still being selfish I am afraid of such things, cos I have no idea how to handle them. I said that your friends will be much better of, cos they have been through with you when your dad passed away. I don't know to talk about it, cos I don't know how to string the feelings inside of me, into words. I got pissed/angry on that, cos I was angry with myself for being such a petty person. *I was pissed at why didn't you picked me from the bus-stop & starting to get angry/pissed with myself for thinking this way. 'cos I know your mum needed you more then I do.* My heart was broken into pieces when you said that I was FOOLING AROUND behind your back. & sleeping late 'cos I WAS PLAYING dota. *Don't you think it sounded abit way too ridiculous for anyone's ears?I playing dota all night?Fooling with some other guy?* I was really heart-broken to hear you say that. it kinda means that you have no faith/don't believe in me. I thought I could grab some sleep on that day & accompany you the next day.but you said that why can't I come when you asked me to come?I know how you feel. but do you know mine? -------------------------------------------- I know I should move on. Think I can't let go of the relationship. I've put my too much energies into it that, I can't recover. I don't. Just feel very sad/emotional. Have no mood in doing anything. Phone's been too quiet for me to divert my attention. Just feel like finding a small/any quiet place for me to brood over my emotions. Think I'll just let myself decay away.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007 : Pirates of the Caribbean (ii)
yay...
I finally get to watch Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End!!! watched it with Er Nai & Benson. I can't believe that people commented that Pirates is absolutely DEAD BORING! THEY ARE DEAD WRONG!! how can it be? it happens to be the most interesting! it's like I can't really pick & choose which of the POC I really liked! cos...they are all well loved!! the only thing that I find it such a drag, is the pirates meeting! well pirates being pirates, they tend to get into fights....alot! well just say that I'm quite happy that I get to watch my show! (I was supposed to watch it with someone else..well never really guess that the things will ended up this way.) was supposed to watch at Vivo today, thought can go Donut Factory & get the long queue donut. so can anyone...someone buy me the cheese-y donut! all kinds of cheese! *grinz broadly* *hint hint* well too bad I didn't have the chance! hope that donut will come to me again...someday... =) I'm like going to have presentation soon! after school starts that's it. I FREAKING HATE PRESENTATION!! ya I noe that it's hard to believe that I'm a shy person! but I REALLY AM! I am absolutely TERRIFIED + PETRIFIED of doing public speaking! I have no "stage presence" or whatsoever. I kinda feel that my future in presentation is going bleak! I NEED HELP...I think... Topic: Advertise Yourself! stupid I suck at that! I have no idea how to do that. I am like such a boring person (to the core somemore). what possible things I can do to advertise myself?? *tearing frantically* I don't wanna think anymore! shit..I must be going thru' PMS! mann...I loathe being a woman! sucks totally! I still don't have the reason And you don't have the time And it really makes me wonder If I ever gave a fuck about you And I...and so this is goodbye Give me something to believe in Cause I don't believe in you anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference, It even makes a difference to try And you told me how you're feeling But I don't believe it's true anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry So this is goodbye I don tink my heart has heal from the post-mortem (I sound like a dead person! cool) (post-B*****p). PMS..kinda break into tears whenever I tink of what happen? can any tell me what can I do to forget? other than keep yourself busy & look for another 1, I think I will be open to other ideas. keepin busy is like I am avoiding, while look for another; think I will be sorta like treating it as a subsitute, which is TOTALLY unfair. help me? Sunday, June 03, 2007 : PRIATES...HERE I COME
yay!!!
I'm gonna watch my Pirates of the Carribean!! at last!! my lovely Er Nai jio me go watch!will be watching with Benson as well! hehe...he just pas his 20th birthday! 1st June!!! HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY, BENSON!!! guess my Er Nai knows me the best!! hehe..I'm like so over the moon right now!! hehe... JOHNNY DEPP! JOHNNY DEPP! JOHNNY DEPP!! haha..the half drunk captain is back...I wanna watch him! *actually I kinda prefer him getting swallowd by the big giant squid!* can't wait for tuesday to come!! *smiles broadly, broadly* arghs..tuesday..! a plain headache-day for me!! stupid communications skills is on tuesday! receive a warning letter already! missed 2 of her lessons... haiz..why does it have to be this way! it's not like I wan to miss her lesson purpose! it's just that I have no idea why I couldn't wake up! I ended waking up @9am SHARP on tuesday! it's gotta be something about her that I LOATHE, that makes me want to miss her lesson! *pull my hair & starts screaming* haha..tuesday! don't care! not gonna let her spoil my mood for that whole day! I still wanna enjoy my show & see my JOHNNY DEPP! JOHNNY DEPP!! JOHNNY DEPP!!! Saturday, June 02, 2007 : problem unsolve..d
haiz...
i still cannot fix the stupid cbox problem! & I have a crude idea that the problem comes from my internet explorer setup! haiz...think I'll just it be for awhile! maybe give it a shot on my desktop 1st...den I'll give the white flag a wave! *change of topic was thinking of some things, while the way home, that happened quite long...random things that my friend & I were talking about. "What are you most afraid of?" haha..I am soOo not talking about cockroaches, lizards & other creepy crawlies! Just random things. well my friend being a girl, said cats & ghosts! LOL..'cos she got an experience of a ghost hanging with her! LOL.. me...hmm...guess I'm afraid of no one attend my funeral when I die! LOL... haha...maybe in another words...I'mafraidofdeath?????LOL..my friend was laughing at me when i said that? 'cos she in turn asked me, "How would you know whether got people come for your funeral?" LOL... Friday, June 01, 2007 : What happen to my lappy?
I can't access cbox or on my blog on lappy!! wat in the world is happening? i feel so sad!! someone, anyone... CAN HELP ME WITH THE PROBLEM THAT I AM HAVING?? I WILL LOVE YOU...FOR NUTS! LOL...
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